Thursday 6 October 2016

My Anxieties have Anxieties (thank you Charlie Brown)

This is the week before the next chemo, which is worse than the week before the last one, because then I didn’t know what to expect. I have seen a fairly disinterested oncologist this week but I managed to beg for better drugs for the nausea and didn’t leave until he had agreed to them, that was really all I needed. I had my blood test at the GP on Monday and the big hospital had my results back the next day which was all v impressive and that was all fine. Phew. 

It is not over egging anything to say that my entire focus is upon not catching anything or anything happening that will result in the deferrals they allude to as I booked in my next set of appointments. Deferrals happen when someone isn’t well enough or isn’t tolerating the regime well enough. A deferral will affect my entire timescales for everything, and whilst I accept that I have no control if something does happen to cause a deferral, I can do everything in my power to avoid any such thing. 
Having never really been ill before this is a challenge but we are rising to it. This week my husband got a man cold so we spent time in separate rooms, since he watches a lot of programmes about doing up cars and houses, this is not a hardship…The terrible cold went after one day of being treated with Lemsip and an early night, suggesting it probably wasn’t a terrible cold after all, but who am I to judge. 

So tomorrow I go for round 2. Knowing what to expect has meant I’ve been anxious since Monday. This I could frankly do without as have been trying to do some work and if I am going to have 2 good weeks out of every 3, they could just be good weeks without insomnia and anxiety methinks. There has been a balance with friends visiting and walks being taken but it would be lovely to do all that without the sleep deprived looniness infecting my chats.

Once again I have not replied to a number of messages and things that kind people have sent me, if you are reading this and I haven't, my brain got hijacked this week. I had to make it read work things so it wouldn't go wandering, but I appreciate all the messages. Thank you. 

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