Ouch

Thursday was the day with the new charged needle to find out if the third lump is cancer too, there are already two areas. It was also a long painful process that left me quite traumatised. The MRI takes about 40 minutes, so I had that time in the MRI with the set up one way called pillar and post. I do understand the different set ups now btw but am sure you can look them up if you want to know; in short there is a grid or pillar and post, either use a marker they can zero the readings to in order to map the site the tissue needs to be taken from. There are also lateral and medial set ups. The reason they tried a different method was (as far as I can tell) to avoid going the same route again because it increased the risk of bleeding. There is a 1 in 100 risk of bleeding needed to be treated in theatre under anaesthetic, I think because it is a vacuum biopsy. Turned out the post was in the way and they weren't going to be able to biopsy anything with a bit of plastic blocking them. So we were back to the grid and a bit more set up time. 

I suppose it is worth saying here that setting me up on the biopsy table itself isn't straightforward and throughout the process I need to stay absolutely still, well apart from the time I am being manipulated into position. This means a couple of wedges on the left side so I was titled slightly but is still a tall order which left me feeling like an elderly arthritic person after all was complete. The good thing about today is I was going into the MRI feet first, there is no logic to this, but it makes me feel less claustrophobic. Picture below is what we would like to find! 

I was back in the MRI for another 40 minutes with the new set up and then it was time for the really horrible bit. I was very touched by one of the team coming into work on her day off so I would have all the same people with me. There is an enormous amount of vulnerability and physical exposure involved. Whilst I lie still with face down so limited visibility, there is all kinds going on around me, and their firm hands on my back were reassuring. The local anaesthetic is also v painful, it stings a lot, and it was at this point when that needle was inserted with v little warning that the consultant radiologist said I'd moved. I hadn't, but I had taken a sharp intake of breath and probably flinched. I know how important being still is, a fractional move makes a difference, but I do defy anyone to limit their physical responses to pain? 

I've been able to zone out through most of my biopsies so far, except the lymph node aspiration which was just v painful and shouldn't have been done as far as I am concerned. They should just wait till surgery to biopsy under anaesthetic. They have been uncomfortable and a bit weird because you can feel something inside your body, but not painful. This was 5 tissue samples all causing pain and I bled, quite a lot, not enough to worry about but I was damaged enough not to be able to drive without bleeding the following day so I didn't but that felt awful too - a bit like I was trapped. They mammogram afterwards to photograph the marker they've inserted every biopsy so they can compare it to later scans. This happens in the breast clinic and I decided to grab the nurse, even though she might talk to me like a deaf 3 year old again. We had a talk about horrible things in the quiet room, I cried, rallied and left with an appointment for my results next Thursday.

The talk did bring lot of things home, chemo is the best way of avoiding secondary breast cancers, which are metastases that spread from the primary cancer to become secondary cancers. So the best way of not dying at my age is to have chemo. 1 in 3 people die from secondary cancer and there is no cure, just palliative chemo to reduce tumour size. Apparently 1 in 2 people get some kind of cancer which made me think it really is very common and please don't let my husband get it too. There was lots of talk about my surgery date, it's had to move once because the type of surgery obviously dictates the time on the table, if this biopsy is cancer, it will be bumped again because I will need longer. I won't go into all of that because it involves a series of awful decisions and there is absolutely no point considering any of them until they need to be made.