D Day Eve

First chemo tomorrow and I'm scared, but not as scared as I have been previously, because we saw the professor of oncology on Tuesday and she gave me the answers I needed. I'd got to this point in time understanding what my treatment plan was, and what the chemo is, but not really why my treatment is right for me. We went through all the stats and outcomes for my histology, as a result, I've stopped being angry or upset about it. Looking at the predictor tool the NHS use, my histology presents as quite high risk, primarily because of the grade/stage of the main tumour and lymph node involvement. Whether multiple cancers are an additional risk is not known but ought probably to be considered likely to be. Chemo does nothing to affect the risk of secondary cancers, which is not quite what I thought, it just deals with this lot now. Professor recommended lymph node removal over radiation, which I was thinking already, but said I would need to have radiation to the chest wall for 5 weeks after surgery. I'd thought I'd get to skip radiation if I had lymph nodes removed but it seems not. That will be every day for 5 weeks at a city centre hospital. I am just really hoping I will be able to get an early morning appointment so I can just go to work from there... Obviously it can vary, but the side effects of radiation are mainly sore skin, and I really won't be wanting another 5 weeks off work after all the weeks off for chemo and surgery... Once again we had to hang around after the appointment for something nobody had told us about, it's all important, but we are never able to get an appointment at the start or end of the day so it can fit around work. You can't book in advance for the next appointment so there is always just the middle of the day. OH doesn't have to come to all of them but the ones with the Drs are important for him. People are very understanding at work but with me not working, we really don't want OH to have any problems with his job. Anyway, professor was probably the loveliest most normal person we have seen in all our time, we had a couple of laughs in the appointment which is always nice, and she also had very good shoes. 

Wednesday was a busy day of errands in the city centre and being filmed having a wig fitted. I thought Wednesday morning would be quiet and I expect it was compared to the weekend, but the Apple store was v busy and it took ages to get my new phone battery sorted out (this is important because phone keeps dying when I need to let people know stuff like when they can come and get me). The filming was Cancer Research who are filming people's real life stories to reassure others about getting through cancer. I'm not entirely sure I was who they wanted but everyone was very grateful I'd agreed to being filmed, so much so when they had NO wigs I wanted, they ordered me one which I don't think they normally do. I wanted a spare, and the NHS one will cost £70, as opposed to the £200 I spent on mine. I always knew NHS range would be limited, so no regrets about getting the first one, I also probably wouldn't have got one until after my hair fell out. Since none of the other styles seemed to work, I am getting the same one in a slightly different colour. I think the crew wanted a bit more pathos about hair loss; and I am sure I will mind it when it happens, but the other losses are more significant for me. I spoke about that very fluently outside the filming and they wanted to capture it on film, but wig lady didn't ask me the right question despite 4 prompts and when I just had to say it without a question (think they'd given up on her) I wasn't as fluent at all. We tried on the wig I'd already bought last, mainly because I needed help putting it on, and wig lady was really helpful. Afterwards cameraman said he'd got it framed on camera and it was exactly like it had been meeting me walk in with my own hair so that was nice. I am lucky one worked, it's all you need. Wig lady advised wearing it now and getting used to it so I feel confident when I leave the house so might start doing that soon. It was all as distracting as I had hoped and friend who accompanied me was able to help the people in the Macmillan office whilst she was avoiding being captured on camera. 

Today I was at the hospital early with the lovely registrar at the nice hospital, feel like I know everyone there now. Stitches are out and everything seems to be healing well, hoping the chemo doesn't undo that. Now I am just off for a pre chemo hair cut, from shoulder length to bob, and another walk. This week has been full of friends visiting and help with the garden and daily walks. Nobody is ever going to get me to say that there is anything good about cancer but it is always good to know your friends are the people who are around when you need help, they have been brilliant. It feels like tomorrow is D day, and yesterday I spoke to one person who is fit as a fiddle during chemo, and another who has been in hospital nearly ALL the time with stuff due to low blood count and infections. Here's hoping I'm the former not the latter. 

Update with actual pre chemo haircut. Haven't had it this short for years, but may never grow it as long as it was again ... would never have thought that.