Reality Bites

I don't know what I was thinking about the chemotherapy talk on Thursday but I'd done my reading and I knew what they were going to tell me. We arrived in good time and it wasn't quite clear where we should be so I was lurking by the treatment ward door, not knowing if I should go in. A kind nurse helped me and took me in to sign in, at which point I walked into a bank of very poorly looking people. I walked straight to the desk and gave them my name but I had broken down and was ushered into a side room, my husband being fetched for me along with a cup of tea.

 

I am scared of chemotherapy and it was a shock. Because of where the desk and quiet room were I don't think anyone particularly noticed, last thing I would want poorly people to know is that they upset me, I just wasn't prepared. I was ok after about 15 minutes and it was time for the talk so we went out to join the others in the main waiting area. I got looked after by being taken into the talk room first, which was exactly what I would have been ok walking into. A wall mural of lavender and NHS plastic chairs in rows of various hues of pink and purple. Tea and coffee to hand and cakes. There wasn’t anything very new in the talk, but husband hasn’t done the reading I have so it was useful for him. There were about 6 patients, all with someone, and after the talk we had a 1:1 with the same person who’d given us the talk. One person had little people to collect and they’d looked terrified all through the process, I felt like there was bad news in a young family which was awful. Everyone was chatty, the person that was on his third round (terminal but shrinking tumours type treatment) gave some helpful advice and I was sat behind someone who worked in pastoral care in a school so we had lots of common ground and knew some of the same people.

It’s going to sound like another gripe, and I suppose it is, but the talk was at 2 and we’d been told that it took about an hour. We weren’t told about the 1:1 and seeing all 6 people would have taken the whole afternoon. The person with children to collect went first of course and the rest of us discussed what we all needed to do, so we went second. Husband hadn’t taken the afternoon of work because we hadn’t known so ended up going back v late and working very late. It was all fine, and people understand at work, but this thing about not having any thought for time except that of the health service is difficult to manage sometimes.

In the 1:1 I found out that in my chemo week, I would be seeing my oncologist, having a blood test, and having chemo. All appointments on separate days. Hoping to be able to do the blood test at the GP’s because the hospital is 26 mile round trip. I must just do everything they told me in the talk to avoid being at the hospital any more than that. People can make their own choices about what they do during chemo, but the risk of an infection getting serious is enough for me to know I shall be shrinking my world for now. Infections can also delay treatment and I think going through this till the end of December is quite enough for me. 

I also booked in for a wig fitting and got a number for benefits advice from the Macmillan drop in centre. Apparently they have a crew filming the wig person at my appointment time so I said yes to being filmed which they were v surprised about. They were a bit vague about who it was for, either Channel 4 or a cancer charity. I wasn’t really bothered about being filmed or not but I thought it might be a distraction, we are all about the distractions. I have heard the NHS can access the same wigs that anyone can, but they are cheaper with prescription, and I would like a spare that I don't have to pay £200 for if possible. 

I’m on leave at the moment and it’s been a good week, despite the ups and downs. I’ve only had a couple of days on my own and they were work days. I stopped being too sore to move about on Wednesday, so it’s been a week when could walk most days with a friend. We’ve enjoyed looking at all the new houses they are building in my village. There are notices up by the cricket pavilion protesting another development but I like them. Traffic doesn’t seem to have increased much yet and with more people we might be able to sustain more useful shops and services. Although the archery shop seems to be a destination people come to from far and wide. There must not be many of them!